So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
