lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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