even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
