I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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