anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
