Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
