I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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