just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
