At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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