This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
