we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
