I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
