she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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