so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
