he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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