I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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