Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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