I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
