Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
