I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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