whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
