I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
