Cold hands, warm shart.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
