Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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