Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
