It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
