listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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