You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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