don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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