just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
