We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
