How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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