I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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