I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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