Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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