Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We have so much sex to catch up on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
