An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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