3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
MIDGETS
????
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
