On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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