i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
