quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
