i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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