why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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