just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
