You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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