Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
