I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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