She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
