that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this will be a night to untag.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
