a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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