Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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