your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
