Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
