My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
