Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
