this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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