I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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