If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I deserve this hangover.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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