I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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