You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
