I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
