she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
