Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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