You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
