So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
