he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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