Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
